[via The Big Picture] (I even stole the title of Barry's post!)
Conversation supposedly between Garry McDougall of HSBC and one of his traders:
'I eat breakfast three hundred yards away from four thousand hedge funds who
are trained to pick me off. So don't think for one second that you can come down
here, flash a client relationship, and make me nervous.
Son, we live in a world that has risks, and those risks have to be avoided by
men with models. Who's gonna do it? You? The Sales Force? I have a greater
responsibility than you can possibly fathom. You weep for your client and curse
the desk. You have that luxury. You have the luxury of not knowing what I know:
that your client's loss, while tragic, probably saved p and l. And that my
existence, while grotesque and incomprehensible to you, saves p and l.
You don't want the truth - because deep down, in places you don't talk about
at parties, you want me in those screens. You need me in those screens. We use
words like roll-down, carry, gamma. We use these words as the backbone of a life
spent defending something. You use them as a punch line.
I have neither the time nor the inclination to explain myself to a man who
rises and sleeps under the blanket of the very bonus pool that I provide, and
then questions the manner in which I provide it! I'd rather you just said "thank
you" and went on your way. Otherwise, I'd suggest you pick up a prop book and
stand a post.
Either way, I don't give a damn what you think you are entitled to!'
[Update on Mar 26] This "conversation" is a parody! Hence the title of the post. Just imagine Jack Nicholson, Big Swinging D of the trading floor, rasping out this harangue.